Anon Said: UNVERIFIED REPORT: “ENRAGED DUCHESS OF WELLNESS ‘WILL HANDLE HER OWN SECURITY, THANK YOU!'”

A totally unreliable source has let slip that the glamorously overweight Duchess of Grifting is currently shaking with barely-concealed rage over the arguments being raised by a Canadian taxpayer group against spending any Canadian taxpayer money at all on hers and her hanger-on husbands security.

And the news that 80,000 Canadians had actually had the gall to have signed a petition to that effect reportedly sent her into a howling paroxysm of fury

“Don’t they have anything better to do?”, she allegedly screamed maniacally, “Like joining in my war with that freeloading Kate Queenie Consort wannabe by signing up to my Twitter account?”

Concerned staff members reportedly immediately recognized this as a severe and debilitating case of envy-driven projection and hastily tried to calm her, only allegedly to be met with a barrage of flying tableware.

The Duke of Victimhood reportedly promptly fled to his room, having allegedly experienced this type of volcanic emotional eruption numerous times before, and allegedly cowered there in quivering terror until his wife was finally reportedly tasered unconscious by his own security detail and some semblance of peace was restored.

Alarmed staffers at the mansion have reportedly since managed to tactfully deflect her alleged angry demands that they join the Duchess in an emergency excursion to Victoria to buy an air rifle and a crossbow, but were allegedly alarmed to later find her reportedly trying to buy an expensive super-alloy catapult on Kijiji.

“If those damn photographers can’t get the shots they are supposed to get, with the right lighting and angles, I’ll deal with them directly”, she is reported to have screamed, allegedly furiously asserting that “I’ll handle this myself in my own way!”

“Let the Mounties stick to ‘getting their man’ somewhere else” she reportedly hissed, allegedly adding “I’ll deal once and for all with these useless paparazzi!”

Having reportedly watched the treatment the Duchess has allegedly handed out to the Prince of Victimhood over the years, the paparazzi have reportedly fearfully and hastily decamped to a neighboring bar temporarily until the local Mounties can get the volatile situation under full control and once again ensure their safety in carrying out the Duchess’s allegedly previously-agreed photographic demands.

This shocking report and its totally unreliable allegations, though entirely plausible to some, has yet to be verified. Reporters allegedly currently also barricaded in the bar are reportedly reluctant to venture out and do so at this point and are allegedly busily fortifying their courage indoors.

These allegations and claims appear to be purely satirical.

 

LMAO! 

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